Audrey Beth

Audrey Beth
May 14th, 2012, 7:05 pm
8 lb. 12 oz., 20 1/2 in.

Isn't she just beautiful? There are no words to describe the depth of my love for this little girl.

Audrey's birth story...

My due date of May 7th came and went. I didn't necessarily expect to deliver before my due date, but I will admit that every day afterward felt like an eternity. I had done some serious nesting in the weeks prior, had childcare for every possible scenario lined up, and had not made any extra commitments for the week after my due date, so all that was left to do was wait.

My doctor and I had decided that we would give this baby an extra week to come on his/her own before we would induce. If it weren't for the fact that I had had three very large babies (and consequently, very difficult recoveries), we would have taken even more time, but given my history, I was very much on board with my doctor's recommendation of induction at 41 weeks. However, I really didn't expect or want it to come to that.

My mom and Steve's mom arrived on Saturday, the 12th, but still no baby. On Mother's Day, the 13th, I had yet another (at least the third) episode of steady and increasingly uncomfortable contractions that led me to believe I was in labor. I really thought that was it, and that I would avoid induction by just hours. But no, after a couple of hours the contractions dwindled, and Steve and I headed to the hospital at 6am the following morning. I was disappointed it had come to an induction, but also very anxious to meet our baby!

I'll say here that this birth surprised me in several ways. First, I really thought that, given I was at 41 weeks with my fourth child (as opposed to my first), it wouldn't take much for my body to kick into labor. Wrong! I was started on the lowest level of pitocin (at "2) around 7am. I expected this level - or maybe just a level or two higher - to do the trick, but it didn't do a ton. I was having contractions, just not as intense as they needed to be. So, every half hour or so, they increased the pitocin - and I ended up having to go to the MAXIMUM ("20") level they use. I was at that level by 4:45 or so, and stayed at that level until my dr. checked me (again) at 5:45.

So it was a long day, but I had Steve and my friend (and doula) Julie to help distract me. I rotated mainly between standing/rocking, the exercise ball, and the rocking chair, and I didn't really start getting uncomfortable until 2:00 or 3:00. Even then, the contractions were manageable.

Going into the hospital that morning, I was hoping to be able to make it through without an epidural. (I've had epidurals with all three of the others, though with Evan, I didn't get it until I was already nearly fully dilated, so I knew I could do it). However, once I realized how high the pitocin was, I decided to go ahead with the epidural. I knew from past experience that once the doctor broke my water, my pain level would skyrocket, and since pitocin increases the pain/intensity of contractions (and I was on the maximum level, which I've never experienced before), I knew it would be wise to go ahead with it. My only regret now is that I didn't insist on getting it BEFORE she broke my water!

At 5:45, my doctor checked me and I was at 5cm, and baby was FINALLY low enough that she felt comfortable breaking my water. Here's where everything went kind of crazy. After she broke my water, I went immediately from 5cm to 7cm. And as expected, my pain went from about a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10 to about a 20. It was instantaneous and awful. But I think Steve and Julie would confirm that I handled it well. I just kept breathing and focusing on the fact that every contraction was bringing my baby down. But wow, it was hard. Meanwhile, the nurses were prepping me for the epidural and the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the run-down on risks, etc.....it was an exruciating 45 minutes before the epidural was done. From about 6:30-6:45, the epidural starting kicking in, and when my doctor checked me at 6:50, I was fully dilated! She told me the baby was right there and it was time to start pushing. And here was another surprise....with the first three babies, I never pushed for less than and hour and a half. Even with Jayna and Evan, it took way more pushing than it does for most people. This time - just 15 minutes! Even through the epidural, I could feel a ton of pressure and where the baby was, and I was just shocked that the baby was moving down so quickly! Everyone in the room was so encouraging, and at 7:05, I gave one final push, and out came....a GIRL!! I can't describe my joy in that moment of meeting her, just as with meeting each of our other kids. They laid her on my stomach right away, and I just cried and couldn't take my eyes off her. I was vaguely aware of things going on around me, but all I could do was take her in and hold on tight. I wish I could live those first minutes over again.

The final (and very welcome) surprise was that my tearing had been minimal...much less than with my other kids. My recovery with my other kids was really, really hard, so I had been anxious about how it would be this time around. I was so thankful when my dr. told me I only needed a few stitches. This may have been due to the fact that Audrey was "only" 8lb. 12 oz. - our smallest baby.

Overall, I am so happy with how the birth went. Steve was an amazing support, Julie was fabulous as always, I loved my doctor (that day and throughout my whole care), and the nurses were great, too. I am thankful for each of them.

I know it is partly post-partum hormones, but just looking at this girl makes me cry. I am just so thankful for four healthy babies, four beautiful births. God has been so good to us. I will admit that I am having a very hard time with the fact that this is our last....but more on that later.

Audrey, you will read this one day. Know this: you are loved. From the very moment you came into this world, your daddy and I loved you deeply and intensely. It is my joy and honor to be your mother, and I will always, always be here for you.

Easter

Our annual Easter/rocking chair family picture

Giving the grass a "haircut"

Friday: Jesus is buried

Sunday: He is alive!

Easter was a joy this year. The kids are finally getting old enough to where they really understand what Easter is all about. Even though we do have fun with the idea of "Santa Claus" at Christmas, and we may or may not go with the notion of a Tooth Fairy, we've never introduced them to the "Easter Bunny". I suppose this is partly because my parents didn't do it with me/my siblings when we were kids, and I always thought it was strange that other kids would get Easter baskets filled with treasures every year. But really, we just want the focus of Easter to be completely on celebrating Christ's resurrection - the center of our faith and reason for our salvation. They still get their fair share of candy from Easter egg hunts, but hopefully that will just be one thing about Easter that they love.

Anyway, not doing Easter baskets doesn't mean we don't have fun! This year, I found a project on Pinterest that I just loved and wanted to with the kids (despite several "pins", this is the only project I've done thus far and probably the only one I'll do for awhile:). A week or so before Easter, we collected rocks, dirt, a small flower pot, sticks for the crosses and some grass seed and created a crucifixion scene. The grass grew more quickly than I had thought it would, and we had to give it a couple of haircuts in order to see the crosses - the kids loved that part. On Friday, we covered up the tomb, and on Sunday, we got to take the stone away and see the empty tomb! I think it is hard - even for adults - to really comprehend the details and intensity and importance of this crucial event, but hopefully this visual gave the kids a little bit of a greater understanding of it all.

After a great morning at church, we had a small Easter egg hunt at home....Travis decided he wanted to help Steve hide the eggs, leaving Evan and Jayna to find them. After naps/rest time, we went over to our friends' house for a fabulous dinner, fellowship, and another Easter egg hunt with TONS of eggs. The weather was gorgeous, adding to our truly great afternoon and evening (especially since it is pretty much ALWAYS raining on Easter around here). Oh, and Steve, who had thought he was going to be working all afternoon at Best Buy doing some overtime work, ended up going there only to find out that BB closed for Easter Sunday! Not many stores do that anymore. So Steve got to join us at our friends' house - an unexpected but very welcome surprise :)

Still thankful for such a great day!

Great Wolf Lodge!

Several weeks ago, Melanie asked me if we'd want to join them for a night at the Great Wolf Lodge. We had never been, mainly because it is not exactly cheap, but I had heard that it was tons of fun and worth the money. So, we decided that even though I would be big and pregnant, it would be much easier to go now than with a newborn in tow, and we went for a night during spring break. And we had a blast!!!

Steve and I decided not to tell the kids ahead of time. They knew we had a "surprise" for them, but they didn't know what. They did finally figure out (through asking us countless questions) that we were going to a hotel of some sort....here's us pulling up to the place.

They were much more exuberant when they actually saw the inside of the place :)

In case anyone is considering a visit here in the future, my advice is that you don't get a fancy room, unless you're staying more than one night and will actually be spending time in the room. You can start swimming early on the day of arrival, and stay until closing time of the day of departure, and there are lots of other things to do around the hotel (arcade, food, scavenger hunt...), so you just don't end up spending a lot of time there.

The great thing about the water park is that it really is suitable for all ages. There's a great baby/toddler pool, waterslides for both younger and older kids, a wave pool that all the kids loved, and a few slides that any adult would love, too. Travis was barely big enough to be able to go on everything, even the "Tornado", so that was fun. Jayna was a bit timid at first, but before we knew it, she was headed off to certain waterslides alone without even telling us where she was going (yes, she got scolded for that:) I think the part that was most fun for me was the waterslides where I got to ride on an innertube with the kids. Such fun to see their faces and hear them scream! Although you should have seen me trying to get out of the innertubes at the end of the ride...

And that was really the only downside for me. Almost 8 months pregnant at the time, you would have thought I was the main attraction of the place. Seriously, will someone tell me what is so fascinating about a pregnant lady?! Young, old, and every age in between - people wouldn't stop staring at me! I was mostly able to ignore it, but it did make me a bit self-conscious. Particularly when it came to this one creepy dude staring at me the entire time we stood in a longish  line for a waterslide. Ew. (and p.s., it's not like I was wearing a revealing swimsuit - it was very modest!)

 Playin' in the arcade. Or just pretending to play, in this case.

 Jayna wanted to try the game with the "claw" - we thought she'd want to try several times and waste a bunch of tokens before giving up - but she got one (by herself!) on the first try! "Sniffer" now sleeps with her.

 Hud and Ev.

 Gearing up for a second day of swimming fun.

 Getting ready to jump a wave!

 Cousins! I love this picture.

 The best picture I could get of Travis Jayna, Ethan, Aunt Mel and Uncle Eric coming down the big slide together.

Conked out. Evan was not nearly as energetic the last half of the second day, and it turned out that he was coming down with a bug of some sort. He rarely falls asleep anywhere there's anything going on, so we knew he either played really hard or wasn't feeling well.

Anyway, the kids really had a great time. You don't always know how these kinds of outings with young kids are going to go, but it was really a great time for everyone! Steve and I didn't feel stressed about anything (except maybe when Jayna took off), and we felt like 2 days of swimming was the perfect amount. It was also really nice to have Melanie and Eric there - that way, adults could go do the big rides and there was still someone to watch the rest of the kids. And I'm betting it will be even more fun when we go in a few years when the kids are all older and don't need as much supervision. In the meantime, we get to hear "When do we get to go back to Great Wolf Lodge?" every time we pass it on the freeway :)

Bonnie's wedding

On Feb. 25th, the last of my sisters got married! It was a beautiful evening and a blessed weekend with family. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the weekend...

 All 5 Schwartz siblings!! It is a rare occurrence for all of us to be together at the same time and same place!

 Hudson and Evan. They're finally old enough to be able to play together and really enjoy each other....so fun to watch!

 Pre-wedding afternoon nap.

 The beautiful flower girl!

 ....and handsome ring bearer. 

 This picture cracks me up. The two moms and aunt all motioning the ring bearers to where the were supposed to go....somehow between the rehearsal the night before and the wedding, they forgot. Silly boys.

 The bride and groom.

Tired kids at the end of a long evening. 

We are so happy for Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Sungsoo! Even if they did have to move themselves to Korea. Thank you for letting us be part of your special day!

I'm back!

I know, it's been 10 months, and you have probably given up on me. Honestly, I thought I was done with blogging, too. Then two things happened. 1)One of my sisters moved to Korea. I'm not restarting things just for her, it's just that her moving to Korea made me realize how spread apart my family is. And while I hate that, one of the great things about the time we live in is the technology available to us. I might as well use it to stay connected with the family! My sister-in-law, Michele, is so good about maintaining their family blog, and I always love reading about (and seeing pictures of) my niece and nephew, Ada and Quentin, who all live in Virginia. Thanks for the inspiration, Michele!

2)I looked back at past blog posts, and I couldn't stop smiling! I am so glad I wrote down as much as I did! Let's face it, parenting 3 kids (almost 4), especially when they are as young as ours are, makes everything go by in a bit of a blur. And yet there is so much that happens every week that is worth remembering and learning from.

I think the biggest thing that has kept me from blogging in the past several months is my darned perfectionism. Because I like things to be just so, that meant that I had to spend more TIME on blog posts, and in the end, I just don't have a ton of spare time. And when I do have it, I don't want to spend it staring at a computer screen. So what needs to change? I need to be okay with less-than-stellar writing, and I need to make things simpler. i.e. less talking, more pictures :)

With all of that said, how about an update on the Butts family?

Travis. He's going to be 7 in just a couple of months! That kills me. I just love this kid. By the grace of God (because everything is), he is growing into a truly caring, smart, thoughtful, and personable boy, and he makes me proud in more ways than I can count. He also has a stubborn and slightly controlling streak that will serve him very well in life later on....but for now, it sure can be a challenge! I was telling Steve today that there is no doubt in my mind that Travis' love language is "quality time". I don't know how many times a day I hear something from him that goes along the lines of "Mommy, can we....", "Mommy, do you want to...", mommy, mommy, mommy.... And sometimes I just want to say, "Travis, leave me aloooooone!!" Don't worry, I don't. But an exasperated, "what?!" escapes my lips more often than I'd like. Travis is thriving in his first grade classroom, and he's just begun a season of coach-pitch baseball with boys from his school - a really great group of boys and parents, I might add. He is our social butterfly, which helps pull me out of my shell.

Jayna is loving preschool and we've got her registered for kindergarten next year. Yikes! I would love it if she was assigned the teacher Travis had last year....we'll see. Jayna is simply a happy little girl. She is pretty shy with people, very laidback, and she can't stay mad at anyone for very long. She is not as driven as Travis, but that is certainly okay, and I think pretty typical of second children. She is my shadow - anytime I go anywhere, she insists on coming with me. (I do most of my errand-running in the afternoon when Steve is almost always home and Evan is napping - so Jayna could stay or come with me). And she is so loving and forgiving and very generous with affection - both physically and verbally. In the past several months, her and Travis have become much closer and more capable of playing together, which is always a joy to watch. On the other hand, she has come to view Evan as her very pesky little brother, and they don't play together well at all. For now, anyway. It will be interesting to see how things will change as we add another to the mix and as they all grow older! One last thing about Jayna, she looooves to sing, and she is good at it! I do hope all my kids will be musicians at least to some extent, but I have no doubt that Jayna will be.

Evan. When I think about how I would describe him at this point in time, I smile and yet sigh at the same time. I could write a blog based only on Evan stories. Here's a fun one for you....

A couple of weeks ago, I was taking the kids to school in the morning, and I could tell Evan was in one of "those" moods. This process of taking the kids to school has been a real pain in the hiney this year, which we knew it would be (at least MWF, when Jayna has preschool). Basically, I drop off Jayna at preschool first, but it's not just a matter of dropping her at the door. First you have to park in a rather large parking lot, walk into the building and then down some stairs and down a hallway, then personally sign her in. Because it's a large parking lot and a bit of a walk, I can't really leave the other two in the car. So we all get out of our carseats, walk in, come back out, back in the carseats (those of you with young kids know what a pain all of this is), then off to drop off Travis at his school. Which, thankfully, IS as simple as dropping him off in front of a staircase. Anyway, we've actually grown used to the routine and most days it goes very smoothly as long as I leave enough time. On this day, however, Evan was not exactly being cooperative. As soon as we parked, he started crying (okay, wailing) over something little. I did my best to console him, but we needed to get Jayna inside. We got about halfway through the parking lot, and Evan, who hadn't stopped wailing, threw himself on the ground, throwing a full-on tantrum. He refused to get up and probably couldn't even hear me over his crying. So I picked him up (sidenote: keep in mind I'm almost 8 months pregnant at this point, and look about 15 months pregnant, and it is very awkward for me to wrangle an almost 3 year old Evan), and told T & J to get back to the car. My plan was to spank him, but realized that a)we were not in a private enough location for me to feel comfortable with that idea, and b)spanking him at that particular moment would not be effective. The spanking would need to wait until we were both calm. So instead, I talked to him as sternly as I could, and for a moment, thought he understood. He stopped crying and and spoke with compliance. However, it all started up again as soon as we got out of the car. The next several minutes of going from car to classroom back to car again (remember, a bit of a walk and at this time of day, one surrounded by lots of people/gawkers) alternated between him insisting on walking then refusing to walk, flailing in my arms then going completely limp - and all the while, making an embarassing amount of noise. Oh, and the best part - on the way back to the car, as I'm holding him and just trying to get back as quickly as possible (and doing my best to hold back tears), I looked down and realized that my shirt, which had shifted in my wrestling match with him, was totally hiked up and more than half of my huge belly was exposed. And I had no idea how long it had been that way. No wonder people were staring (or quickly averting their eyes). Of course, I got back to the car and immediately started bawling.

Let me tell you, that definitely goes down in my top 5 list of mortifying moments. Travis and Jayna were never (really, never) ones to throw fits like that, and I truly was one of those moms who thought no child of mine would ever act like that. But that's one thing parenting does - it humbles us. And boy, was I humbled that day.

(Sidenote: We have all seen a version of the above-described scenario at some point in public. If/when you see this, I strongly encourage you to NOT judge the mom, but instead to offer understanding and even help. Yes, it may be something the parents are doing wrong in raising the child, but you do not know that for sure - and even if it is, condemning - even with a glance - does absolutely no good in changing that parent. On the other hand, it could very well be that the parent IS doing their best, and the child WILL be disciplined for their tantrum, and that this is simply a stage to be worked through. Judging never does any good; encouragement at least stands a chance of doing good. Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.)

So, Evan occasionally throws tantrums. While my initial inclination was to freak out about it and wonder what are we doing wrong?!!....I'm trying to be objective. Like I said earlier, Evan is currently kind of the odd man out amongst our three kids. Of course, we try to encourage the other two to be inclusive, and they often are, but you can only push this so much. So I think that may be a part of it right now. Also, Evan has been the baby for 3 years now, and he is very aware of the fact that that will soon no longer be the case. That could also be a part of it. Then again, the tantrums could simply be a part of his personality at this age, his way of testing the boundaries. In any case, we are working through this, and he is definitely beginning to understand that this behavior is absolutely not acceptable. Hopefully he REALLY gets it sooner rather than later :)

Okay, but I can't just leave Evan at that. He's kind of a boy of opposites, because on the other hand, he can be incredibly sweet. He is our most cuddly kid. Steve usually gets home from work around 6:30am, and sometimes he'll lay on the couch, and when I come out I find Evan with his blankies, curled up with Steve, both of them asleep. He rarely lets me leave the room at night without saying, "I wuf you", and then making sure I say, "I love you, too". He's also a funny, funny kid who LOVES to make us laugh. He makes me laugh too many times a day to count! He's thoughtful - occasionally he has pee accidents in the bathroom, and the way I find out about it is that he calls from the bathroom, "I'm cweaning it up! I'm sowwy, I'm cweaning it up!" And even though it is possible he's having a hard time with the transition to baby, he's also very sweet about it, randomly kissing my tummy, and apologizing when he accidently bumps/hits/kicks it. Whenever I get to this point in pregnancy, I can't help but be sad over the fact that our littlest will no longer be the baby....and I am definitely feeling that with Evan now. I don't love the idea of him growing up.

Steve was recently (and finally) assigned his own take-home patrol car. He doesn't actually bring it home, as we don't want to become a target here in good ol' East Tacoma. But it is nice for him to have his very own car that he doesn't have to share. The other perk is that it opens up a ton of extra overtime opportunities (seriously, it seems like he could work as much as he possbily wanted). This is good, as we would love to get rid of some debt and actually save some money, but I think the next couple of months (especially with baby's arrival) will involve trying to find a balance. I simply can't have him gone all the time. Not just because the kids are a lot of work, but more because he is my best friend and I miss him when I don't see him much, and that really affects the family as a whole. But we are defnitely grateful for these new opportunities and that he at least has the option of working more.

Me....well, I'm not sleeping well and my belly itches and and I still would love to eat some rocks and dirt, but beyond that, I'm really feeling great! I'm almost 36 weeks now, and I can't believe that about a month from now, I will be a mother of FOUR kids. Holy cow. Didn't I just graduate from high school? I am very, very much looking forward to this baby. I was recently remembering being pregnant with Evan and how nervous I was about how I would handle three kids. For whatever reasons, it was a hard transition for me. Thankfully, this time around, I really have no anxiety at all. I'm not even sure exactly why it's different this time; it's certainly not that I think I have this mothering gig all under control. After all, who does? I'll have to think more on this one. Maybe it's easier because I AM learning to let go of this illusion of having everything under control? In any case, I'm just really, really looking forward to holding a baby - OUR baby - in my arms again. I love this child so much, and I know God loves him/her even more!

Evan at 2

Quick question - I just finished writing this post and had it all spaced correctly, but then after I hit "publish", this is what it looks like. With the spacing all crazy. What the heck?! It drives me nuts. Anyway...

I neglected to write down anything here about Evan at his birthday, so I should probably do it now before I forget.

If I could pick just one word to describe Evan, it would be FUN. He really is such a crack-up, and definitely the clown of the family! Once he knows that something will make you laugh, you can bet that you'll here it again, and again, and again. Steve commented recently that Evan is at the most fun age. He could be right, or it could just be that Evan will always be one to make us laugh!
He is also...

...brave. Not necessarily reckless, thankfully, but he is quite willing to try certain things that most kids would not. This quality will serve him well in life, I believe. Here he is jumping off our rock wall.

...stubborn. Here he is, mad about something. We get this look a lot :)

...mischievious. I made muffins one afternoon, and set them at the back of the counter to cool, then went to do something around the house. When I came down a bit later, I found this...

and Evan, caught! The guilty look on his face is priceless! This incident also shows his...ingenuity, I guess? In order to get to whatever smelled good, he moved one of the kitchen chairs over to the counter, got the muffin and took it to his place at the table, moved the chair back, and then climbed into his chair to start eating. Stinker.
...cuddly. He is definitely the most snuggly of the three kids. All you really have to do is pick him up, and he almost always lays his head right down on your shoulder. I don't want him to ever grow out of that!

...observant. Wow, this kid learns sooooo much from Travis and Jayna! It's amazing how much kids learn from each other - good or bad! He sure knows how to throw a fit when he doesn't get his way with Travis or Jayna, but most of the time he really just loves playing with them.

On the other hand, he is very independent and loves to explore by himself....which usually involves making messes and/or getting in to things he shouldn't :)

Beyond that, he is a great sleeper, almost always on the go and almost never one to sit and watch a show, and like the other kids - he loves to be outside. Oh, and he LOVES his blanky.

Some of the things he says....

"Denna" - Jayna

"Dawis" - Travis

"Dessie" - Jessie

"Dop it!" - stop it

"Duh you" - love you

"Mine" (a current favorite of his)

"ont go aside" - want go outside

And finally, a video that is classic Evan! I heard him talking/singing in bed one night long after Travis had fallen asleep and tried to sneak in on him. Yes, he is singing "Tomorrow" from Annie - because it's Jayna's favorite song and he's heard her sing it many times. And the end is an example of him being a clown - one day when Steve told him he loved him, Evan replied, "Okay" just like you hear, and we all cracked up...so that's how he answers every time now. (sorry it's so dark)