This day last year

November 29, 2010 is a bittersweet day in my memory. Well, "bittersweet" is not exactly the right word, but it's the best I can come up with right now. This day stands out in my mind for two happenings - one a community tragedy, and the other, a personal memory that I have often in the past year found myself hanging on to for dear life.

Anyone living in this area - and probably many others - remember this day as the day that four local police officers were ambushed and murdered by an evil man as they were sitting in a coffee shop. It happened less than a mile from church, where I was at the time, and we received news of what had happened within minutes of it happening. It was horrifying.

For a long time, I wasn't really sure why the ordeal hit me as hard as it did. I mean, Steve and I had no personal connection to any of the officers. They weren't even from Steve's department. Some probably thought I might be upset because I now had reason to be more afraid for Steve at work - but that wasn't it at all. What I finally realized is that I was really just hurting for the families of those officers. Though I couldn't even fathom what they were going through, I think that any of us whose spouses are in law enforcement could empathize a bit more BECAUSE of our connection to law enforcement.

Even still, EVERY time I drive by that coffee shop (it's on my way to church, so that's at least 2-3 times/week), I feel sad. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the day. And I know I can't be the only person who still prays for the families...I desperately hope they feel those prayers. I wish I could do more.

Here are some pictures from Sunday's ceremony for the dedication of the memorial for the slain officers: http://blog.thenewstribune.com/photo/2010/11/28/forza-memorial-dedication/

Like I said, this day also holds a more personal memory for me, though I didn't the know the significance at the time. This ended up being the day when I would visit with and talk to my grandpa for the very last time of my life.

That morning, my grandpa was up early and heard on the "breaking" news that "4 police officers had been shot and killed in Tacoma". It didn't say which department, and obviously it wasn't the giving the names of the officers at that point. I was at church when the shooting happened, and my grandpa was the first to call me. Remembering the fear in his voice still makes me cry. He really loved us. And he had to know Steve was okay. We only talked for a few minutes, and I told him I would call them back later.

Well, the day was pretty crazy, we were on the phone to many different people who had heard the news, and I forgot to call back. But it was okay, because sometime in the later afternoon, my grandparents showed up on our doorstep! It was so, so good to see them. We talked more about the details of what had happened, but mostly, they just played with the kids and were their usual funny selves. As they were leaving, though, I remember very clearly what my grandpa - said: that they just wanted to make sure in person that we were all right, and that they prayed regularly for Steve's safety, and that they loved us all very much. I didn't know then that just a short week later, he would enter the hospital where he would leave us, and that that was the last time I would really talk to him. (I talked to him a couple of times in the hospital, but we weren't really sure how much he heard...though I'd like to think he heard it all). So as simple as our last conversation was, I'm so thankful that I remember it. And I am so thankful that it happened at all, even if it was because of a tragedy.

I think it's a good thing to remember, even when it hurts to remember. We heal and we learn and grow when we remember. I have learned that with every passing year, painful memories tend to sting less and less (thank God!). But I hope the opposite isn't true - that is, I hope that sweet memories don't lessen in their sweetness over time. I'm pretty sure they don't if you don't let them, but writing them down can't hurt. :)

Pumpkin patch pictures

Just spent way too much time trying to figure out how to change this blog layout (and what I wanted to change it to). I have to say that the "ya'll" at the top of the page really bugs me (it should be "y'all", and yes, I'm a grammar/punctuation/spelling nerd)...but the overall design was too cute to pass up.

It's been awhile since I posted pictures...so here you go! These are from a trip to a small pumpkin patch back at the beginning of October.

I just ran a half-marathon?!

Running has been a part of my life, to varying degrees, since I was a kid. I remember even as young as 10 or 11, running short kids' runs while my mom, who has been a "real" runner for years, would run the longer runs and my two younger sisters and I were just along for the ride. But we're talking short 1 or 2 mile runs, and only a couple times a year. In high school, I didn't run cross country or track or anything, but at some point during my junior year, I decided to do something about the fact that I didn't like the way I looked. I started running - just for 30 minutes, 4-5 times/week, and I lost 20 lbs. in maybe 6 or so months. Then when I went away to PLU and worried that I would gain the dreaded "freshman 15", I ran a few times a week, when I could squeeze it in to my crazy schedule. And then even after I got married (but before kids), I was an on-again, off-again runner. But after I started having kids, I only did a bit of running/walking here and there, in between pregnancies.

About this time last year, I started running more consistently, and in February, I set two goals for myself: I would run a 12K in June, and a half-marathon in September. I registered for the Sound to Narrows simply for the timing and proximity to home. And right after that race, I registered for the You Go Girl Half Marathon, again because I wouldn't have to travel, and because I knew it wouldn't be terribly hilly, and I figured the all-girl atmosphere would make it a fun one.

The 12K was back in June, the Sound to Narrows run. I had done the 5K before, but not the 12. It was hard - lots of hills, some of them long ones. But I actually ran it faster than I expected, finishing at 1:12. I remember when I finished, however, thinking "there's no way on earth I'll be able to run a half-marathon". It seemed so far out of reach. And even up until a couple of weeks before the half, I was feeling a little unsure. I had worked myself up to 11 mile runs, but when I finished I'd practically have to crawl back to my car :)

But....I did it!! 13.1 miles is REALLY FAR, let me tell you, but I did it! Don't get me wrong - at times it seriously sucked and I wanted to quit, but I was just so proud and thankful when I crossed that finish line!

Regardless of my time, I am especially proud of two things:

1)My training. I worked so hard for this, logging many miles and many hours. It would have been very easy for me to ease up or quit my training any number of times, especially with our crazy-busy summer, 3 young and thus needy kids, our always changing schedule, etc. But I was consistent.

2)On race day, I felt like crap. Seriously, I hadn't been sick for months, then 2 days before the race, of course I should get sick! I had body aches, chills, headache....basically, the flu our kids had passed around all week. On Saturday I felt considerably better, and on Sunday when I woke up I felt okay. When I started to feel a bit feverish before the race, I thought maybe it was just nerves or I was imagining it? The first 2-3 miles I started out pretty strong, even through the worst of the hills, but then around mile 3 I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous, and I even at one point swallowed back a bit of puke. (sorry, I know that's gross). I slowed way down and tried to relax, but at this point, I was very seriously considering just quitting at the 10K mark. I didn't want to be the one who passed out and needed a medic. But then I got to the sign that said "10K (arrow)/half-marathon (arrow)", I just had to go for it. Even if I had to go at a slower pace, I KNEW I would be really disappointed if I didn't do what I had trained for all these months. I'm proud of myself for fighting through that. Running is just as hard mentally as it is physically, but even more so when you are sick. And despite the way I felt, I pulled of a pace and time that I'm really happy with!

Now, I'm not sure what's next. I do know that, aside from any pregnancies, illnesses, or injuries, I will always be a runner. It keeps my healthy and fit, but more than that, it keeps me emotionally fit. Sometimes I think it's what keeps me sane :) It makes me feel strong and confident and capable, and I need something that makes me feel strong and confident and capable. I will probably never be the fastest runner out there (as I admitted to myself while being passed left and right by all the skinny girls in spandex), but that's okay. I'm also not the slowest one out there, and for me, consistency is the most important thing. I also enjoy finding new routes and areas in which to run, and one day I hope to connect more with other runners, maybe join a running group.

Before this race, I was thinking that my next goal would be to run to lose weight (because running to lose weight is different from running to train for a long race). But now that I have a taste of what it's like to finish a half, I want to do another! So I'm pretty sure I'm going to do the Seattle Marathon Half Marathon at the end of November. It will be a huge event, and I'll be running in new territory, so I think it will be lots of fun. And I'm looking forward to seeing how I can do when I'm NOT sick.

One more thing - I am so thankful for a husband who is supportive of me in this. He's spent a lot of extra time with the kids (and without me) so that I could train. He actually was assigned to traffic control during my race, and I got to see him a few different times during the run. The last time I saw him (maybe around mile 9?) I yelled to him that I wanted to die, and he just laughed at me and cheered me on. I love knowing that he is proud of me!


A friend took this, and I'm smiling only because I'm at about mile 12.9. And that's rain, not just sweat :)

"The days are long, but the years are short..."

It's been just over a month now since we sent our Trav-man off to kindergarten. What a bittersweet day, in so many ways!

In the days leading up to Travis' first day, I did a really great job of ignoring my feelings. :) I love the excitement of the back-to-school season - supply shopping, letters from teachers, clothes shopping, etc. So I was able to focus more on the fun part of it rather than the reality that my firstborn is growing up. But the day before, and then when it came time to actually drop him off - whew! I was a wreck!

The image that kept coming to my mind that day was the one of just me and him (Steve was sound asleep) hours after he was born. It was the middle of the night at this point, and I couldn't put him down or fall asleep. All I could do was marvel and dream and try to wrap my mind around the fact that this was OUR baby, our son, and how everything had now changed. Easily one of the greatest few hours of my life - when I first became a mother.

I heard this quote at MOPS sometime last year, and thought about how very true it is when it comes to the preschool years....the days really can be sooooo long! Yet still, the years fly by. Where did five years go? This realization that his baby/toddler/young child years are over and I can never get them back was part of my sadness. But another part of it was knowing that once kids start school, time REALLY flies! I told Steve in tears that day, "He might as well be graduated from high school already!" Okay, so that may have been a slight exaggeration, but really....he's going to be in the 4th grade and then the 8th and then the 12th before I know it! I can (and will) cherish every bit of watching him grow up, but in the end, no matter how much we enjoy our kids while we have them - it's still going to seem like time flew by.

At Travis' school, there's a big courtyard in front of the building where you drop off/pick up your kids (there are no buses to this school), and as you can imagine, it was packed on the first day. I generally can't/don't like to cry around other people and was able to hold myself together for the 10 minutes while we waited for the bell to ring. But when I gave him a kiss and hug and then watched him wave at me as he followed his line inside....I melted. While many parents kind of peeked in to make sure their kids were doing what they were supposed to do, I made a beeline for the car where I could really let it all out. I missed him a lot that day, but then another very memorable mothering moment....picking him up at the end of the day! He had the biggest smile on his face and hugged me tightly, then proceeded to talk on and on and on about his teacher and new friends and how they get "THREE RECESSES!!"

Anyway, I'm better now :) We've settled into our new routine, and Travis LOVES kindergarten! The Tacoma School District does 5 full days for Kinders, which I thought might be a lot for him, but he has adjusted well. He's pretty cranky some evenings from tiredness, but then again, so am I :) I am SO impressed with his school and SO thankful we got him into it. His teacher is fabulous, and Travis looks forward to every single day. At home, I quickly came to realize the perks of him being at school for 6 1/2 hours every day - a)I get way more done! b)more time with Jayna and Evan!

Here's the thing about Travis...he is an attention hog. He doesn't mean to be, he's just really social and hates playing by himself. He loves people, and I love this about him! But what that has always meant for me is that he tends to monopolize my time by always wanting me to play with him/help him/watch him/you get the picture. And yes, I say no sometimes, because I have 2 other kids, a husband, and a house to manage! But now I know that Travis is learning and having fun...and I'm able to focus on the other people/things without always having to say no to him.

It makes me smile to think about how proud I am of Travis. I know he was a little nervous about his first day. He had already seen his classroom and briefly met his teacher once, but really, he was walking into brand new territory with so many unknowns...yet he walked bravely into his classroom with a smile on his face! I hope he can face all the challenges in his life with such bravery and trust.

This picture makes me laugh. I told Travis to "smile" and he said "I can't!" The sun was totally blinding, so we moved inside for the pictures.

Very proud of his Toy Story backpack and lunch bag.

In front of his school. This is his "I'm a little nervous" face :)

The wave goodbye. Makes me want to hug him :)

August highlights!

Our two big August events....a trip to Boise for a wedding and a camping trip with my family!

Steve's sister, Cheryl, married Glenn on Aug. 8th, and they asked Travis to be the ring bearer. Can I just say - he was pretty much the cutest ring bearer I've ever seen :) He wasn't a huge fan of the shoes he had to wear all day, but other than that, enjoyed feeling important. The not-so-fun part of the trip was the drive back (we did most of the drive there at night, so the kids slept)...the trip back took I think 14 hours? After our trip to Klamath and then Portland and then this Boise trip, I am so sick of long car trips with little kids that I swear I'll never do one again :) Anyway, other than that, we had a fun weekend with family, and the kids loved playing with cousins. My mom and Bonnie and Becky were able to come, as well, so that was fun to have them at the wedding.

Mid-August brought the long-awaited Schwartz family annual camping trip!! This year, we went to Ike Kinswa State Park on....I'm spacing on the name of the lake. The weather couldn't have been more perfect! And my dad brought his boat up, so we were able to add boat rides to our usual activities of eating, playing with kids, swimming, and hanging around the campfire. Travis and Jayna slept in the bed of Steve's truck, which they thought was pretty cool, and Evan did really well in the tent with us. I will say that Evan made camping this summer a rather exhausting experience...the kid doesn't sit still, and anytime he wasn't being held, he'd make a beeline for either the road or the water. He is the reason I apparently didn't very many pictures of that weekend. But still a very memorable and too-short weekend!

Portland Zoo and camping at East Lake

Toward the end of July, I took the kids down to Portland for a trip to the zoo with one of my mothers-in-law, her daughters, and their kids. We had so much fun together! It turned out to be a super hot day, which, with 7 young kids and a very large zoo, meant that we didn't see the whole zoo. But that just means we'll have to do it again!

That was a Saturday...that night, I left the kids in Portland with the grandparents so that I could get home and get us packed for camping trip #2 of the summer. We headed down to central Oregon - specifically, East Lake - for some camping with Steve's mom, sister and her almost-husband, aunt, and cousins. Some family friends were so generous to lend us their trailer, which was so great! I love sleeping in a tent, but a trailer (with toilet and running water) really does make things a lot easier when you have young kids. Especially since....it rained. A lot. But not the entire time, and as some of the pictures will show, the rain didn't slow the kids down too much!

4 of the 7 - I wish we'd thought to get a picture of all of them.

It took a lot of fussing for him to fall asleep, but he finally did.

I just love elephants!

This dinosaur was motorized and made some small movements. Travis was a little freaked at first, then thought it was pretty cool.

I wasn't a big fan of the first part of the zoo. The walkways were really narrow (which doesn't work on a crowded summer day), and the animals were spread pretty far apart. So we had kind of a slow start, and as you can see, Jayna was not impressed :) But it got lots better.

This, I think, was the kids' favorite part of the day - or at least the part they talked about the most afterward. I can't even tell you what kind of an animal that is, but it was right at their eye level and was putting on quite a show for them!

One of Evan's favorites - spaghetti!

Both Travis and Jayna caught their first real fish on this camping trip. Well, kind of. Travis caught a fish at u-fish once, but that doesn't count. And really, these were "junk" fish the kids caught...but they don't know the difference! Travis actually caught 8, I think, and for the first 7, he didn't want anywhere near them. But by the end, he was willing to hold one wrapped in a washcloth, and even throw it back out to the seagulls for them to eat. Fun times!

On the last full day, it poured. To the point where the tent people were digging trenches around their tents to keep the water from flooding their tents. Evan - he didn't mind one bit! In fact, it was his mission to pace back and forth and tromp through these two giant mud puddles as many times as possible. Nothing could deter him - he didn't even look up when we said his name. Sometimes I wonder how he and Travis could possibly be brothers!

Summer catch-up part 1

I really want to start doing a better job of maintaining this blog! My problem is that I just can't bring myself to do things out of order. So I get further and further behind, and then it seems like such a daunting task to catch up. And I decide to do something else with my beloved evening free time :) But in the meantime, I often think of little things to blog about, but since I can't do things out of order....you get the point. So this week, I'm going to get caught up! To start, our summer....(which will require a few posts)

First, a few pictures from before our our trip to Klamath (well look at that, I'm going out of order!)

In late June, my mom made her annual trip to Bellingham and stopped for a few days to stay with us - and brought my sissy Becky with her! I don't remember what all we did, but a highlight was going strawberry picking! We picked A LOT of berries!!! I made a ton of jam (between that and the raspberry jam I made, we're set for the year!), and froze a bunch of berries, too.

Travis and Jayna's birthdays fall just 11 days apart, so this year, we had a small little immediate-family party for each of them, but then a joint one for extended family. I am so very thankful for the people in our lives who love our kids! And I love these pics of the two of them.

In mid-July (note: AFTER Klamath:), we want a spontaneous and short camping trip with most of Steve's squad. I admit, I was a bit nervous about it, as I had only met a few of these guys. But we had a fun time! The weather was great, and the only other family there happened to have two young boys who had a great time playing with our kids.

And this was just some random afternoon, hanging out in the kiddie pool!