Okay, now that I've made it sound like I'm going to share something earth-shattering...I'm not. :) I've just had my high school reunion on my mind, and thought I'd share a few thoughts.
The kids and I recently returned from a week-long trip to Klamath Falls. The purpose of this trip was to visit family, of course, and also to attend my 10 year high school reunion. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have attended if I hadn't had such a large part in planning the reunion events. Not because I think I'm "above" everyone else, or because I don't care about my classmates, but mainly because I knew it would be uncomfortable for me socially. I am not a good small-talk kind of person, and I'm not the outgoing type who can easily roam the room and strike up conversations. I have often wished I was more that type of person, but that's just not how God made me. And that's okay! And though I didn't exactly have the time of my life at the reunion, I certainly didn't have a bad time. I was most grateful for the chance to catch up with a few of my great friends from high school, and one dearest-friend-of-all!
First, just to give a quick recap of the evening...it helped in the beginning that I had to sit at the front table to greet everyone (and make sure they paid, hand out nametags, etc.). This gave me the opportunity to greet every single person, which like I said earlier, would have been so hard for me to do on my own. I was a bit of a drifter in high school...I didn't belong to any specific clique, but had a friend here and a friend there from all different social groups. And though I was friends with many, there were just a few who I was super-tight with (I suppose that's probably true of most people?). A couple of those were at the reunion, and it was so great to talk with them. Logistically, everything went off without a hitch and it seemed like people really enjoyed themselves. For the last half of the dinner, there was lots of dancing and drinking and loud music, so I was outside with everyone who wanted to just talk and catch up.
One thing that I didn't expect was how much it would feel like I was back in high school. I guess I expected more change to have happened in the last ten years, but so much seemed the same... the same grudges (two guys who were never friends very nearly got in a fist-fight...I didn't see this), and the same social circles. And that's the first observation I made...once a social circle is created, whether between two friends or between a large clique or anything in between, it is VERY difficult for that circle to be altered. This is sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing, sometimes neither. I think it can be a bad thing when the circle is absolutely impenetrable and no one else is let near it. This definitely happens in high school, and I was hoping for some of those boundaries to have softened a bit. From what I hear, this is much more likely to have happened by the 20-year reunion, so we shall see. But I was thinking about the fact that this social separation happens even into adulthood. Again, sometimes, but not necessarily, a good or bad thing. I think it's probably a natural thing to happen...we cling to those who make us feel better, who help us survive, who help us thrive. But I guess I sometimes feel sad even now, when there are friendships or groups that have already formed which I am not a part of. Um, I'm not really sure of my point right now, other than to say that I'm just thinking about this idea of exclusivity, and when it is good for us or bad for us.
On Sunday afternoon (the dinner was Sat. night), we had a family picnic where kids were invited. What I absolutely loved about the picnic actually relates directly to my slight disappointment over the same ol' social separations from 10 years ago. What I noticed was that kids provide the perfect ice-breaker! There were a few people who, for whatever reason, I felt awkward approaching at the dinner. But the fact that they had kids and I had kids created a sort of bridge and gave us at least one topic to which we could both relate. Through these conversations, I realized that there were many people in high school who I wished I would have given more of a chance (more on that later). Again....this is true even now. I have never been one to randomly talk to someone else in the grocery store line, at the park, etc. But since I've had kids it has become much easier not only for strangers to talk to me, but also for me to talk to them. I've always WANTED to be a more encouraging, friendly person, but my reserved nature makes it difficult. Now, if I see a mom struggling with a toddler at the grocery store (for example), I give her a sympathetic smile. It's not much, but it's more than simply passing her by, as I would have done without the kid around. I especially love it when strangers approach ME because of my kids, and we have a conversation that we would not have had otherwise. And not just with strangers, but acquaintences, too...kids are a great conversation-starter.
I digress...
Another observation...I came away from the reunion with the certainty that though email, Facebook, etc. are fabulous tools for keeping in contact with people, they are just not the same as being in the presence of someone you love. I am thinking specifically of my dear friend Kara. When my family moved to Klamath Falls in the summer before my fourth grade year, Kara was my first friend. I don't remember the exact contents of our first conversation, but I do remember her approaching me for the first time, the "new girl". We connected instantly, and I just love her dearly to this day. In the last ten years, however, our contact has been limited. She was my maid of honor 8 years ago, and then I saw her again shortly after she had Sofia and I had Travis, but then we hadn't seen each other since. We keep in contact through blogs, etc., but rarely face-to-face. Anyway, it was soooooo good to be with her again. We both spent the majority of the dinner catching up with each other and laughing a ton and talking "deep" talk, and though we hadn't talked in so long, it was completely natural...we just picked right back up where we left off. Friendships like that are so rare. So, I've decided that her and Chris need to move to Tacoma:) Or us to Corvallis. But in the meantime, I've realized that I need to not be satisfied with online relationships (you know what I mean), both with her and with others. Even if it means driving a little out of my way on my travels to/from KF to see Kara, it's totally worth it. In general, just not letting the internet be a substitute for real quality time, even with people who live close to me.
Here's a picture of Kara and I at the reunion. I love you to pieces, Kara!!
Finally, my last pondering from my long drive home from KF (the kids slept for the last 5 hours of the trip, and it was so peaceful!) was that I have changed in the last ten years. It is only by God's grace that I've changed, and I'm so thankful. I think that I was too judgemental in high school, and like I said, I didn't always give people a chance. I didn't realize then that people are largely a product of their environment, and that there's a reason why each person is the way they are. I think I tend to be much more compassionate and loving now...or at least I try to be. I used to be too self-righteous, but now I generally see a person's need for love and acceptance before I see their sin. Again...this is totally a God thing, and I am so, so grateful to Him for this change in me.
And now I have to add that I could not be happier that this reunion is over! Even though I had three people who helped so much in planning the reunion, it was a burden to me at a time when I just wanted to focus on my newborn and two other kids. It feels great to not have to worry about it any more.
I will post more later regarding the other (and best) part of the week...the visit with family!
These pictures show what an amazing difference three months makes! This is Evan with his newest cousin Hudson, and the picture was taken this week. Hudson is basically the same size that Evan was when he was born, and yet look at the difference. That's how much he has grown! That really amazes me.
His "big" present...a bike! He's not overly excited about it right now, but maybe with time?
